Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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