So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
