so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
