I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize