When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
