i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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