guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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