is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
