watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
