I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
