thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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