We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
