More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
