I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
