i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
