I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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