nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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