Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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