dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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