no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
