how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize