are you still at the devil's house?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
