Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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