His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
