I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
