He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
