Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
