Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
