Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
