i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize