Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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