none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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