walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
