hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
