I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
FUCK WHALES
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
