Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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