I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
