i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
