Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
