legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
