I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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