just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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