i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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