He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i drank out of a bidet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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