If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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