I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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