Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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