she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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