Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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