You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
