i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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