Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
