I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize