i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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