on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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