Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
