I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize