Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
