I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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