I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
