my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
