Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
