Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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