apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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