he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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