We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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