paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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