neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
