she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
