umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
