I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
