I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
