even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
