is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
