need another drink. this is the easiest way
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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