hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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